🤠 (2025) 365x
“it’s weird how things change. or how they don't. how the things you thought would be forever just... aren't. and the things you never thought would happen, do.”
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the year started with my tunnel vision, and a spark of joy from previous months of internship with my friends (Akbar, Daffa, Nilla). january was entirely only me focusing on my thesis; jiggling from chatting Admin TI, bu Jumi, and even my lecturer, pak Eri while speedrunning and skimming bunch of books, article, and thesis and building the final app of course.
got the defense successfully on february, and march was basically a blur of my thesis revisions and finalizing my graduation documents by april. so to keep myself busy, I had to pick up a side quest doing joki aplikasi semesteran for some extra cash.
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then may hit, post-grad depression kicked in. i was really humbled down by the job-hunting era, it was brutal man. but i got an offer letter, it was a role at Toyota as an outsourced pro-hire. i felt so happy and felt sooo safe. so in this period of mid-May to June was basically just a waiting room for me to get started/prep for the move to karawang while finishing my side gigs.
(i also had a remote offer as a flutter dev just 1 week after i signed my loa, f*ck man i almost dodged the heavy sniper bullet lol)
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if I could delete one month out of my brain, it would be July. i started work on july 1st. And within just days of working, my excitements completely disappear. literally my first day of work man, first day of my first work ever.
i was placed on a team where it was just me (junior dev) and a senior dev who made it his mission to make every of my day a worst day in my life. Every suggestion I made or question I asked was met with trask talk. I felt completely powerless and very small. My parents even find myself feeling a bit sad in my dorm room after work. I hated the environment and I was desperately looking for an exit strategy (literally).
my oversharingness traits got its fruit on July 16th, I got offered a remote job which offers 3x more my current salary. Shits was crazy.
so the rest of the month was absolute chaos. I traveled back to Jember for my graduation, and then go back, got caught up in office and my own drama, and eventually got caught for taking this new job lmao. The HR and account at this outsource company were incredibly toxic; throwing harsh words and threats. i managed to resign on the 31st without having to pay penalty tho (and also thank them both for this)
i genuinely couldnt have survived that month without mas Adnan, mas Faruk, pak Ery, my brother, my parents, my relatives in Bekasi, and also my friends in Jakarta. They calmed me down, listened, and actually UNDERSTOOD what was happening and what i was dealing under that time.
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upon next week, everything was suddenly... fine.
i joined a new project team with mas Robi, pak Imran, and BA named Aman. For the first time, my words weren't treated like garbage. I felt legit safe.
but I was still carrying a lot of anxiety and baggage from july, and helllll…. the transition was messy. between juggling the new job, recovering from the burnout, and dealing with graduation, my performance took an early hit. i actually ended up hiring someone (a joki, connection from mas Faruk) to help handle my tasks in august and september just so i could breathe.
a bit funny actually to know penjoki got joki’d
by october, i had fully recovered. i ended the contract with the joki due to some drama over unfinished tasks on his end, but i was finally back in control.
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just when things were smooth, november came in hot. a new tech manager got fired up by the QA team, and suddenly our whole team was getting scolded. we were all just sitting there like, ??? but december balanced it out. i got my first passport, flew to Malaysia, and finally met the team in person. the management might be full of shit, but the colleagues are genuinely amazing, and I love working with them.
and actually thanks tech manager for treating us lunch.
i like and dislike all my days there. i found out that FamilyMart in Malaysia were deployed in like everywhere, ibarat ada indomaret tiap 200 meter kalo di indo. maybe its because im in kuala lumpur so thats the main reason. i like the fucking ayam-melted-cheese from FM, i like mamak, i like that one ayam that we bought in foodpanda, i like nasi lemak, i like all of my friends that i interacted there, i shoulda interacted more (thought they going to snitch on me just like in my prev work lol), i like pasar seni, i like kl central, i like the apartment mann. things r better than jakarta for sure.
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surely, i still have plenty PLENTY of myself to improve, i used to think that the point of all of this was to get somewhere. like there was a destination. but i think i’m starting to realize that the destination is just a collection of moments. its the drive. its the feeling of the wind. it’s the people you’re with.
i love all the experiences that occured to me and i dont hate anyone which has a “separate way” of behaving.
i don't know where im going. i dont think i ever did. but for the first time, i think im okay with that. and also p.s im starting to love money more now.
ty for reading, this might be a sloppy attempt of me writing a short blog about my 22th birth-year, this shouldve went to draft but i published it anyway. semoga harimu indah dan cerah and again, thank youu.