Just a few thoughts after quitting multi-national private company, and it's all pretty much about mental resilience. To be honest, on why I decided to resign it's just really about skill issue; I didnt perform well and I'm not in any sort of way comfortable with the work itself.
I usually do things quick, nice, neatly, you name it, It's just it felt so different. Idk why, probably my co-workers are trash or its a-me-thing? would argue if it's probably me. I DID not even have the chance to enter my “flow state” when I was there, something is off, I can't do anything.
Then after some months of reflections (post-resign) I came into conclusion that; To achieve what we call flow state, I require at least 2 conditions which are:
- Supportive environment.
- and a relaxed state-of-mind.
So what happen if those aren't fulfilled when job description and environment need you in the flow state to start the job quickly? Yes, you're correct, dread and stress. And prolonged effect will result to depression. A bit dramatic but okay lol.
I'm not saying that I'm a spoiled idealistic brat even in some way I really am. But looking, hearing, and smelling trash from abang-abangan bau surya acting all superior everyday with small paycheck is wild lmao 😂, cope. Anyways, flow state is like opening your sixth sense. I’ve always had trouble with focusing, but when I enter this state. All of my problems are gone, I can focus with multiple projects at once. As of this writing (in my new company too ofc), I’m handling three projects and three more outside work, two of them are in whole different company and one is freelance project. No deadlines problem and no anything.
But that’s all come with the cost of huge amount of stress and full dread from previous baggage. So twas slow period entering that state, probably 2 months. And moving on again on what am I when I’m not in that flow state? I just noticed that I’m just a sore loser. I need ways to overcome this haha. My dreams are too big, and my baggage are too.
So what? To be honest I still don’t really know how to build strong mental resilience. My current company is now supportive and loving so that helps too. The only thing I learned that I just needed time, support, and the strong will to go back. I’m in 60% better state now and that’s it.
Shout out to:
- Mas Faruk, for info loker wkwkwk
- Mas Adnan, udah nenangin, listens, and understands
- Family, giving extra spicy love and support for sure
- Jeketi friends, udah nemenin curhat
God did.